Failing

Today was the kids first day of school. He is now in the 3's preschool program. He goes from 9-1 but gets picked up by the bus at 8. It really was nice I could get that. Anyways. Today I realized that I am living in a perpetual state of lonliness. Yous ee The kid was home with nothing scheduled for 3 weeked between camp and school. I had caled a few of the kids best friends for playdates with no response. I did start to feel that I was being dodged but tried to ignore that feeling. I finally did get a call from one of them and she said that she had her older kid and its hard for her to do playdates. OK.

Today, as I picked the kid up from school I realized that my feelings were true. After school last year the moms and kids would sit in the lounge area and have lunch with the kids. I joined when I could but I couldnt that often. However, I was always invited.

When we were all waiting to get the ids I felt a cold vibe from all three of the moms. Of course they were polite, but it just felt different. Nothing was said to me and they were all getting coffee and lunches (extra) for the kids. I asked if they were hanging out for a few because I havent really seen them all summer. I did miss my friends. I mean, i was couped a bit having a newborn and then by the time she was big enough for me to be comfortable with playdates, I started to feel the shaft. They all stated that they werent staying long or that they were just wrapping up. BUT i did see them sitting at a nice big table set up in the back of the cafe.

I went outside with the Kid and he played on teh big hill for awhile. I then took him to the car which had a great big view of the door. Within an hour NONE of them came out. I just feel like they cant tell me to go away because their kids are in his class but they dont want to be friends with me. If its me, then fine. Ill try to make new friends or just live in my little world till he kid goes to kindergarten in 2 years. Ive been through worse, but if its my kid? What am i going to do? no one wants my kid around. I know he is difficult. I try my hardest to keep him under control. I am doing my best and now i feel like i am failing him socially as well whether its me or him, im failing.